This Week's Intention: Resiliency - Are you Struggling to Change?

Welcome to your weekly digest of the Wellness Club!

Before we dive into this weeks intentions,

Here’s a recap of Last Week (2/12-2/18)

-Last week’s Mindful Intention was focused on Eating more mindfully, working on the practice: Go Small, Get Present, putting a focus on introspection by taking the time to tune into your senses, so you can build more self awareness, aka more insight and more action!

Welcome back Mindful Queers!

Welcome back to another week of Wellness Club!

To start, I wanted to share some personal news.

To be honest, this week and the next couple months are going to be a really difficult for me. Last week, my partner and I ended our 4 year relationship. And with a breakup, comes with all the emotions, healing and change.

Part of me wants to disassociate & just let go of all responsibilities, including this. But part of me knows I can’t do that, and I need to take a deep breath and get back to work.

I sent out an email to my clients letting them know about my current situation and the support and love I’ve received has been really touching.

I remember one of the first times we broke up, it had happened right before work, and I had to go into my sessions that day and pretend that everything was fine with me and I didn’t just get dumped 30 minutes prior.

It sucked.

I did not want to go through that again.

So here is my attempt at being vulnerable in a very vulnerable and trying time in my life.

I don’t know when things will get better, or when I’ll have a moment to take it all in. But until then, praying for some good vibes.

One thing I have noticed already this week is how my routine went out the door. My sleep is all sorts of f*cked up, eating is irregular, I am trying to get a workout in at least every other day, and stress & anxiety are steadily high.

So some ways I am trying to take care of myself is through breathwork, journaling, going on walks, and spending some time with friends.

I tried to channel some sadness & energy into my music and made a 2 hour set, that I recorded Saturday, I will try to post it later this week, because it is the last time I will play a set in this house that we worked really hard to create *the vibes*

So entering my sadboi era, I am going to try my best to stay on schedule with this newsletter and with everything else going on.

*This week’s episode of Wellness & Wellbeing IRL will be postponed to next week just do to logistics and moving. I hope you can understand*

With Love,

John Kim
THE MINDFUL QUEER

I. This Week’s Intention

This week, we are focusing on change and ambivalence. The push-pull feelings we get when we WANT to get that dream body but don't do the subsequent actions in order to do so.

I was just having a conversation this week with some friends about getting ready for summer and not making progress towards those goals.

The end of February is a tough time for many people. We are in the thick of work, it's still winter (although the past couple days in DC have been showing signs of an early spring), and we have lost all motivation from the new year (when was that?!)

So if you feel crappy that you failed your new years resolutions, don't give up. Take a moment to chill out, recenter and refocus your energy.

Remember you do not have to accomplish all of life's work in 3-6 months.

In this newsletter, we will explore the change, questions to ask yourself, and practical tips on how to change your mindset and set realistic & reasonable expectations for yourself.

So, take a deep breath, set an intention, and let's dive into the world of mindset, change and setting expectations.

Have you ever told yourself, “I’m going to start eating healthy tomorrow!”?

Then, tomorrow comes and you’re like, “Hmm, maybe I’ll start next week.”

If so, congratulations: You’re normal.

This feeling of “I want to change but also don’t want to change” is called ambivalence.

On one hand, you might really want to change and become a healthier, stronger version of yourself.

On the other hand, that sounds like a lot of work.

Your current way of doing things is so comforting and familiar.

Trouble is, while ambivalence is normal and expected, people can also get stuck: As you (sometimes unconsciously) weigh the pros and cons of change, you don’t actually take action.

If you find yourself at such an impasse, I suggest asking yourself the following questions:

1. What’s GOOD about NOT CHANGING?
2. What’s BAD about CHANGING?

The answers to these questions are revealing.

All behaviors—no matter how “self-sabotaging” they may seem—serve a purpose.

Your answers to these questions will tell you WHY you feel resistant to change.

You also discover what purpose a current behavior is serving, and what you might lose if you give that behavior up.

For example, maybe you want to stop snacking at night, but it also helps you calm down, or avoid thinking about a stressful relationship.

Maybe restricting calories is starting to cause health problems, but it also gives you a sense of control when life feels too chaotic.

No wonder you feel such a push-and-pull.

The good news: Once you know how your current behaviors serve you, you can come up with replacement behaviors that support you in the way you need to be supported—without sacrificing your larger goals.

So spend some time with the two questions above.

They might just lead to a breakthrough.

Spend some time journaling if you find patterns or behaviors that are leading to any ambivalence, it could help you transform your life!

Some questions I like to ask clients to help them through change:

• What would life be like if you didn't do X?

• What would life be like if you continued to do X for 3 months?

• What could you do to be 10% better next week?

• What are some ways YOU can do right now to make impactful change to get yourself in a better spot?

Happy Journaling!

Tag me in your story @mindfulqueer on instagram with ways you are making progress towards change! Use #WELLNESSCLUB in your post!

II. Practice of the Week

Practice #4: Set Realistic & Reasonable Expectations

Pillar:
Resiliency

Skill:
Growth Mindset

Toolbox of Creativity:
-Come up with 1-3 Simple Actions you can do daily
-Consult with a coach to identify what is realistic for someone in your current situation
-Focus on what immediate actions you can take in the near future, and what you can actually control right now

Why?
Yes you are giving main character energy.

But you can't solve all life's problems just yet, so try this out:

Calibrate your goals and expected achievements to current skill level and other factors (e.g., time, other demands, your ability to focus on learning, etc.)

How to Do it Better?
Keep track of your progress by completing your daily actions & tracking. Notice the days you do really well, and the off days, everything is DATA!

Use the Ready, Willing, Able scale for every action you are going to do.
(Scale 1-10)

If you score a 7 or below on how R,W,A you can complete said task, make it easier till it gets to a 8,9,10

Coaching IRL Notes:
If you are like me, you think you can do an infinite amount of tasks in a day (or you also have ADHD). But when it comes to habits or goals you are trying to achieve, you need to remember that you are going to have bad days, and that learning a new habit takes more energy than a habit that already exists.

So step it down a couple notches and prove to yourself that you can do the mundane and simple tasks first before going onto the complex tasks.

And be real with your self & reality. Because you still have to pay bills, you still have to show up at work, you still have to do all the normal day to day tasks, let alone trying to add 1-2 hours everyday of activity + energy required for said activities. You are going to be exhausted. And if you were like me when I first started and millions of other people who do not know all the “right way” to do fitness, mindfulness and wellbeing, you are going to probably make some mistakes along the road.

So follow the survival guide below and good luck!

III. Game Plan for the Week

Choose 1x Daily Practice to follow habitually for the week (or more)

• My Daily Practice this week is:

• How Ready are you (on a scale of 1-10):

• How Willing are you (on a scale of 1-10):

• How Able are you (on a scale of 1-10):

If you score under a 6, make the daily practice easier or less frequent till you get over an avg of 8.

If you score above a 9, and you want to push yourself, try to make that daily practice a tad bit more challenging (only if you are capable of handling that)

If you want to download a copy of my Blueprint Planner - my free 90 day goal planner that allows you to breakdown any goal into daily practices to help change behaviors and smash your goals, click here! 

(If you want to try Practice #1: 5 minute Action, to easiest and quickest way to building actionable habits in your life, check it out!)

🫶🏽That wraps up the Wellness Club for this Monday!

Thank you for being a loyal subscriber, and keep an eye out for some new and exciting events coming up just for Wellness Club subscribers!

If you have any questions or feedback, please send a DM or email over!

Good vibes,

John Kim (They/Them)
THE MINDFUL QUEER