This Week's Intentions: Mental Health, AAPI Heritage Month & Life

Hey Mindful Queers!

Happy May 15, 2023

Welcome to another week at the Wellness Club!

If you are new here, welcome aboard, we are glad to have ya!

Here at the Wellness Club, we realize that we are all going through our own journey, the ups, the downs, the good and the ugly.

So instead of facing life's scary & uncharted areas alone, do it together with the Wellness Club.

Each week Coach John drops golden nuggets of Fitness, Nutrition, Mindset & Wellbeing tips for you to grow & challenge yourself.

This week's edition at the Wellness Club is focused on Mental Health & Wellbeing along with some personal reflections on what Mental Health Awareness means to me this year.

This week's wellness club newsletter is a little more personal & dives deep into Mental Health Awareness Month, AAPI Heritage Month, and family.

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Depression

Today my family celebrates the life of my papa, Kim Tok Kon.

He died a year ago.

I remember waking up that Sunday morning, jumping out of bed because I was late for a session.

But as I checked my phone I saw a bunch of missed calls and a text from my mom saying "papa died."

I froze. In that moment - time had stopped.

I cried as I realized what had happened.

My grandfather prepared me for so much of my life that I never realized until his passing.

When I was young, my grandfather retired from Potomac Fish House, and finally got to stay at home as my grandma went to work.

Part of the responsibility staying at home was also watching the grandchildren while all the adults went to work.

For over 10 years, we spent most fridays, mondays with him.

Me on the other hand was over there overtime.

I quickly became the scapegoat for the rest of my family to hang out with him, since no one would stick around for his crazy escapades.

See my grandfather was not a quiet & boring person.

He's basically like me.

He was a business owner. Writer in a local Korean newspaper. He was apart of the Seoul World Cup -Korea US delegation. He wrote his own book (with the help of my dad). He ran fundraisers for his community through sporting tournaments (golf). He loved music - particularly to karaoke. He loved getting all the latest and greatest gadgets (which got him in a lot of trouble by my grandma 😄 but it was fun to watch)

Really… I am basically him.

I learned how to become resilient and confident because of him.

One of the biggest lessons he taught me was never forget about family.

Even though he didn't cook, meals shared together were always important.

He always wanted us to be successful and happy.

He was a smart man who could never sit still.

Well until he literally was forced too.

Losing my grandpa was a bittersweet moment.

After suffering multiple strokes, diabetes - getting both legs amputated,

He was bedridden for almost 8 years.

While I was in high school, his health suffered began to decline.

At the time, I didn't know anything about strokes nor diabetes.

When he had his second stroke, I remember being in the hospital with him and was so scared I was going to lose him.

But he fought on and lived knowing that my sister graduated college.

The week after her graduation he passed.

Losing him was a really tough moment in my life.

I had never lost anyone that close before and dealing with grief was a whole new experience.

Something that really helped me process these difficult emotions was time, journaling, and talking the emotions out.

By reflecting on his life made me realize how proud I was to be the grandchild of immigrants.

Immigrants who left their home & country, and everything they knew to attempt to create a better life for their children and future grandchildren (ME)

Through all the hardships they persevered and made a name for themselves.

Little did I know he would teach me another lesson about life, death.

However, my grandfather's death prepared me for two more deaths of people close to me.

One, my client Bob, who passed away December 11, 2022.

Bob and I connected back in August 2020, because Bob needed a trainer to help him mitigate the slow decline of Parkinson's.

We quickly bonded over a wide range of topics, including his wife's story who died of a stroke.

I was able to connect with Bob because my grandfather had 3 of them.

When I reflected back on Bob's death, it reminded me so much of my grandfather.

But different, this time, I had answers, to the problems he was dealing with.

One of the similarities that both Bob and Papa had was me.

They both believed in me.

When others didn't.

They saw the potential in my skills & mindset.

And they made sure to tell me.

They both died at the around the same age 85.

However, the most recent death, was the passing of my former swimmer, Ian, who was just 22.

This past weekend, my old team had a ceremony and gathering for the Ian.

It's been almost 4 years since I coached there, but stepping back on the pool deck made me feel like I was instantly back.

The pool was packed full of swimmers from the past and now, old and young, all here to mourn the passing of a human being who touched so many lives, and to cherish the memories that were made in his short 22 years on this world.

Ian was one of my first junior coaches I hired. He was also a lifeguard, a swimmer, a brother, a son, a college graduate, an ultimate frisbee connoisseur.

He was known for his sarcasm and whit, but also his kindness and heart.

Watching him coach some of the youngest members of the team how to swim and how to have fun was a joy to watch.

Listening to some of the speeches from friends, parents and loved ones brought upon tears and laughs.

Getting to talk to so many different folks of all ages that night, it made me think about my own life since 2019.

All the mistakes & the moments of despair as a young adult.

All the moments of euphoria & bliss.

But along that wild ride were moments that you could never even imagine,

and the people met along the way,

and the lessons learned living life.

I also look back on moments of depression & loneliness,

Moments feeling like I was a complete failure and moments where I almost gave up.

But in those moments, in the dark, somehow a light always shined at the end and pulled me out.

And every time I reached for the light not only did my situation get better,

I began to inch closer to the life I was destined to live.

The month of May holds a special place in my heart & who I am.

From my identities of being a first generation Korean American, to the legacy of my grandfather I carry on.

To the recognition of growth in my own journey of life. Through the hardships and the joys, to never forget the dark times and the promises you made to yourself to never stop being an advocate for mental health & being kind to others.

And lastly, to family. Both blood and chosen, that family is special & powerful. Even in the dark times are moments where we can rely on our family to pick us up, to guide us towards the light, and to help make sense of this world we live in.

Life is too precious to live alone, no matter what age you are.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to learn more about my identities as a first generation Korean American, an attempt survivor, and an forever advocate for mental health.

That's all for this week's intentions at the Wellness Club!

Send a DM on socials or email for any questions, tips or feedback!

With Love,

💕

The Mindful Queer